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To live in hearts we leave behind, is not to die . . .

9/29/2017

22 Comments

 
When I started this website some years ago, it was primarily to share my experiences and explorations beyond the field of psychiatry. In my sojourns into nature, I often immerse myself in the graceful agility of birds as they sweep through air. Travels in India have opened our eyes to the richness of our architectural heritage. Sometimes I try to freeze those moments within the frame of my lenses. These frames are windows…windows to unexplored worlds, which I valiantly try to capture through words in these blogs.

I thought of opening another window this time around, albeit quite personal. On this day a year ago I lost my elder sister. She was differentially abled and led a complete life thanks to tireless efforts by my mother. My mother was an exceptional person in her own regard. Having lost her physician father of repute very early life, she educated herself in Hindi, inspired by an encounter with Mahatma Gandhi. She translated the works of many of the famous writers in Tamil (including Kamba Ramayanam) into Hindi. She was bestowed with the Sahithya Academy Award in recognition of her monumental contributions.

As a mother she had a huge challenge to bring up a disabled child. When the medical profession urged my mother to abandon all hopes for her daughter, she single handedly strove to make her life meaningful. She took suggestions from physiotherapists and improvised innovative methods to make the child walk and talk. She educated her at home to read and write and she became proficient in more than one language! It was an arduous task and a lonely struggle at times. Over a period of time, my sister became aware of her own hidden prowess: she had a remarkable memory…of places, persons. We often turned to her archival memory, when our recollections failed.

After my mother’s demise two decades ago, our bond with my sister deepened in ways that we never imagined. Every night unfailingly she would come, give me a hug and a cuddle to say good night.  Since both myself and Ahalya were working, she took charge of the household, managing and maintaining things in her own personalized ways. She would remember each of our students who used to visit us and enquire warmly about them. She would have met them years ago and they would be surprised at her recall of even their minute personal details.

She breathed her last, this day last year, at home. Her life gently ebbed away…

The household still feels empty a year later but filled with her memories.
​
More than a sister, she was our daughter and the loss is poignant.
 
Your heart was never disabled
Your love was boundless
Your warmth infectious
You remain
At the center of our hearts

Or more eloquently in the words of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Silently, one by one,
In the infinite meadows of heaven
Blossomed the lovely stars,
The forget-me-not
Of the angels

22 Comments
Kishor
9/30/2017 04:48:28 am

She seems to be the blessed one, her life itself was a message & warmth that lingers enternally

Reply
Chanda
9/30/2017 05:33:41 am

That was very poignant Ragu.
I too was rather emotional, today being Harshu's birthday according to Hindu calendar. He would gave been 34.

Reply
ragu
9/30/2017 05:50:54 am

Those we love don't go away.
They walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near.
Still loved, still missed and forever dear. . .

Reply
Swaminath G
9/30/2017 05:50:54 am

Ragu,
Still remember her warmth, and everytime I come to your home, expect her to come out of seeing the tamil movie on TV, and wish us all and enquire about everyone in my family. Truly an excellent human being who remained friendly and warm to all.

Reply
Kumar
9/30/2017 09:31:49 am

Not everyone comes across a person who inspires you,so gently so as to wonder the myriad ways of the Almighty in life's constant learning curve.
Radhu,,your warmth and affection will always remain inside me forever.

Reply
mohan
9/30/2017 09:36:46 am

Ragu,
Radhu has left such a mark on everyone in our family that we still see her around in our drawing room and in yours.We keep talking about her so very often and about the incidents she used to quote that happened a few decades back.She remembered everyone and everything about
everyone in our family from my parents to my granddaughter.A great soul that left her smile behind for us.

Reply
GG
9/30/2017 10:32:16 am

Flood gates of memory reopened. Radhu,of course is centre stage. I remember coming to ur place when Tara passed away. Radhu could point out to the house I lived in and give me a big smile. She had connected. Ur Mom,and ur Dad too were legends. Wherever they r,I am sure they r in peace while we carry their memories. Thanx Ragu for reminding......these memories makes our inner self sublime.

Reply
Sudha
9/30/2017 02:16:42 pm

Raghu
Radhu will always stay in our hearts as the one who remembers what we have forgotten and as the one who can touch your heart with small gestures. I still treasure the lovely picture of a bouquet of flowers she drew and gave me with her name proudly signed on it. I remember your parents too quite often particularly your father and his letters to Appa which never once missed to mention ' We are doing well ably assisted by Radhu'. Thanks for sharing your memories. Lots of love to you and Ahalya.

Reply
Joshy
9/30/2017 07:34:29 pm

Touched moved and inspired!

Reply
lata-
9/30/2017 11:18:06 pm

Dear Raghu, Reading your touching and eloquent words about Radhu, brought tears to our eyes. She will always remain dear to our hearts and I salute your mother who nurtured her such that Radhu could blossom as the beautiful and caring person she was to all of us.

Reply
Shripathy Bhat
10/1/2017 02:09:49 am

Your words took me back to the memories of the days I visited your place. Took few minutes to recover from the pensive mood.

Reply
Murali
10/1/2017 06:02:42 am

We always remember Radhu's warm and welcoming smile whenever we have visited your place.
The incredibly memory she had for names and incidents was unique.
I totally agree...
Those we love don't go away
They walk beside us every day...
Murali& Vidhya

Reply
Stu
10/1/2017 10:01:47 am

I am moved by your words and inspired by your deeds. Your deducation to Radhu enmeshed in the busy life that you and Ahalya lead has always been a source of wondermemt to me.

I am glad I knew your sister and only wish I had the opportunity to meet your mother.

Reply
Paavannan
10/1/2017 08:40:20 pm

வணக்கம். சில கணங்களுக்கு முன்புதான் உங்கள் பதிவை வாசித்தேன். நிறைய அலைச்சலில் சற்றே பிந்திவிட்டது. அக்காவின் மண்ணுலக மறைவு நிகழ்ந்து ஓராண்டு கடந்துபோய்விட்டதை சற்றே திகைப்போடுதான் நினைத்துக்கொண்டேன். நம் மனத்துக்கு நெருக்காமனவர்கள் எப்போதும் நம் நினைவுகளிலும் நெஞ்சிலும் வாழ்ந்துகொண்டே இருப்பதால், அவர்களுடைய மறைவு நிகழ்வுக்கு மூப்பே உருவாவதில்லை போலும். ஏதோ கடைக்குப் போயிருப்பதுபோல, கோவிலுக்குப் போயிருப்பதுபோல கிளம்பிச்சென்றிருப்பதாகத்தான் தோன்றுகிறது. இக்கணத்தில் உங்களோடு சேர்ந்து நானும் அவரை நினைத்துக்கொள்கிறேன். அன்புடன் பாவண்ணன்

Reply
Geetha Suri
10/2/2017 02:27:05 am

Everytime I spoke to Radhu, she would always narrate her visit to see me in the hospital when I was born. She also remembered the song that was played in a teashop outside the hospital. She had a tremendous memory. She will always be remembered.

Reply
Komilla Thapa
10/3/2017 11:52:54 pm

This brought back a rush of memories of a beautiful person, Radha. She was so happy and contented and would join in the conversation, smiling and clapping in the most infectious manner. She was utterly charming and beautiful and insisted on presenting me with her crayon drawings which I still treasure. Tributes to yr. Mom
, Ragu for her love and dedication and to you and Ahalya who continued with the good work. Radha was loved and cherished and fondly remembered and perhaps that it was all of us hope and pine for.

Reply
Gautam
3/15/2018 03:01:31 am

What a beautiful, evocative and heartfelt tribute from a loving brother. Radha was a very warm and friendly person who accepted life as it is. With a wonderful, doting mother, a caring and sensitive brother Ragu and then a deeply concerned and loving sister in law Ahalya, Radha was indeed fortunate to be born in such a family. I can never ever forget her smile and equanimity with which she would greet me and gently enquire about my children by their names every time we visited their beautiful home. Truly, she continues to live in our hearts.

Reply
Abha Bhartia
3/27/2022 04:35:49 am

This is one of the sweetest posts..it takes courage to open your heart and pain to the public...I wish I could have met these wonderfully inspiring women...

Reply
Sonia
4/2/2022 03:36:47 am

So touching RR Sir .
It opens flood gates of memories.
In your ode to your loved ones, you remind me of all my loved ones who struggled with various matters of life and persons, abled and not so abled.

Reply
TG
4/2/2022 04:44:11 am

Thank you for sharing your personal life story—about your mother and your sister. Your mother was a remarkable person!!!
I guess your life experiences helped shape you to be a great psychiatrist!

Reply
Sumana Kodi
4/3/2022 02:34:03 am

Felt so happy and experinced peace sir.It is blessing to have brother and Sis- in- law like Ahalya mam.I cried when I read about Akka passing away.U and Mam made Akka Imortal.My infinte namaskarams to Amma. 🌷🌷🌹🌹🌹🌹

Reply
bhavani hamann
4/5/2022 05:25:17 am

Such a heart warming tribute! It makes me wish I could have met her! It reminds me of my cousin who was also different in many ways and somehow seemed more endearing. My aunt and uncle got her married to a man who would live with them. She was an amazing, fiercely protective mom to two kids who had kids of their own. One of her grandkids topped the National school final exams, studied at Columbia University and would have made any parent proud. Though what I learned from her was any child is special and needed to be fiercely loved and protected. Your feeling towards your amazing sister rings of the same sentiments.
Thank you Dr. Raghuram for your beautiful words.

Reply



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    Dr Raguram

    Someone who keeps exploring beyond the boundaries of everyday life to savor and share those unforgettable moments....

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