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Towards The  Within .  . .

8/13/2019

43 Comments

 
Sometime back one of my clients asked me during a therapy session whether I believed in God. I was flummoxed for a while and wondered whether sharing my personal beliefs would impact the therapeutic process. I worked around it and replied that it has been evolving over time.

Growing up under a broad canopy of religious and cultural ceremonials, the quest for God has been a perennial one in my life.

My first tryst with this question was in a book ‘My God Died Young’ by Sasthi Brata which I read in my adolescent years. In a period of relentless quest for personal identity, this book resonated deeply within me. I must have read and re-read it many times. Printed on poor quality paper in a cheap published edition, many words have faded away over time. It’s a pity that I am unable to locate the dog-eared copy of this book in my library.

His angst arising from a sense of alienation is beautifully encapsulated in the final passage of the book: “How does one go about building a house when the timber that holds the roof and the walls together seems so fragile…”
​

Sasthi Brata’s articulation of fear of “being in the world” and search for personal meaning drew me into the world of existentialism.

I started devouring books on existentialism, facilitated by the iconic Eswari Lending Library. My existential crisis found solace in the cramped bookshelves of the place. I first borrowed a battered copy of Rollo May’s ‘Existence’ and followed it up with his ‘Love & Will’ and ‘The Meaning of Existence’. His suggestion that in the long run, finding the center of strength within ourselves is the answer to many of the unanswerable questions in life, appealed to me immensely.

On many occasions, when I was cycling back home after picking up loads of books from Eswari, amidst the cool afternoon breeze in the almost empty roads of Madras, I was in harmony watching the world go by. With every push of the pedal, thoughts and ideas came floating in my mind and I would begin my search afresh from the books I had just borrowed.

One such tome, ‘The Doors of Perception’ by Aldous Huxley had a tremendous impact on me. I still vividly recall these words from the book, “The man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less sure, happier but less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable mystery which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend” 

Perhaps it is this exploration through the doors of perception that was a determining factor in my choice of psychiatry. We don’t go through life painlessly and one of the most demanding and often ill understood pain is go through emotional crisis and psychological breakdown. For those in throes of it, it is an immensely agonizing and often, a lonely journey.  RD Laing (another lasting influence on me!) mapped these unexplored frontiers of consciousness in many of his books. One can witness the poignancy of these struggles in the poetry of Sylvia Plath.

In my professional encounters I strive to respond to people in psychological distress with acceptance, accommodation imbued with compassion and that has been a continuing journey.

The circle of compassion keeps widening…

I feel close to God in my explorations in nature. I feel His presence in the silence of the forests. He responds to me in the chirping of birds. My hopes soar with their wings when I am overwhelmed with a sense of despondency.  I see His beauty in the brilliant hues of flowers.  

As I write this, there is a sudden gust of wind in the backyard. It catches the tiny bird sitting on top of a bare branch, unprepared. It sways, unperturbed, with the wind, feeling at one with it. And when the wind ebbs away, it starts singing its melodious note again.

It is life itself.

As Rembrandt commented, “Choose only one master…nature”

Flowing with the rhythms of nature is inherently a spiritual pursuit often lost amidst the frenzies of our everyday lives.

Let me conclude in the words of the enigmatic Chinese poet, Hanshan or Cloud Mountain as he is often referred to:

I’m on the trail to Cold Mountain.

Cold Mountain trail never ends.
Long clefts thick with rock and stones,
Wide streams buried in dense grass.
Slippery moss, but there’s been no rain,
Pine trees sigh, but there’s no wind.
Who can leap the world’s net,
Sit here in the white clouds with me?

LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR REFLECTIONS....DO POST THEM HERE!
43 Comments
Dr.Rudhran
8/13/2019 06:17:03 pm

looking forward to more wonderful thoughts on this 'matter'

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 06:31:39 pm

Journey continues dear Rudhran!

Reply
Shabbir Amanullah
8/13/2019 06:19:33 pm

In a world filled with joys and yet filled with sorrows, it’s the sharing of human experience that makes suffering bearable.
Such reflections help lift humanity in difficult times and moments!
Lovely

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Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 07:29:38 pm

So true Shabbir!

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Manju Reddy link
8/13/2019 06:45:23 pm

Beautifully stated and I like your gentle approach to go through the journey to find that "God" in our inner garden. For current generation, an idolatry worship falls short and I think your narrative approach replaces that void! Enjoyed reading!

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Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 07:31:12 pm

And on our sorties through the garden of life sometime we focus more attention on the weeds beneath our feet and not the sky above!

Reply
Ajit
8/13/2019 06:52:58 pm

Such an enchanting travelogue, Ragu.
In a discipline driven by material considerations above all, you have been a beacon of sensivity and of the need to ponder over existence and suffering.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 07:33:12 pm

Deeply touched and moved dear Ajit.

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Sangeetha madhu
8/13/2019 06:55:23 pm

Reflections on a complex topic ,articulated with clarity &the nostalgia of old Madras days ....thank you Sir!

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 07:34:00 pm

Thanks Sangeetha. I believe Eswari Lending Library is still alive, albeit in a different location

Reply
Gautam Moorthy
8/13/2019 07:14:33 pm

A wonderful, evocative piece by Dr Raguram who bares his soul to us about his quest for God and the meaning of life. I guess both are intertwined and here in this important quest comes nature. For those who love nature (please show me someone who doesn’t), know it is all pervading and there are places where you become one with it. It is here, in such a connect, that one feels the presence of a greater power expressed in the roar of the waterfall or in the humming of the bee. God is Nature; Nature is God.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 07:35:06 pm

So true...if only humans who govern us realize the importance of it in shaping their policies towards the environment

Reply
Lakshmi Pandit
8/13/2019 07:22:08 pm

I can but reiterate what has been said....being one with nature is being one with God ! Thank you sir!

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 07:35:44 pm

Look forward to the next sojourn with the KIMS family!

Reply
Soundara Raghavan
8/13/2019 07:45:08 pm

Beautiful, Ragu. Your being so well read reflects in your writing. Some of it, frankly some quotes are a bit heavy for me, though. I remember fondly your home at Sambasivam Street, and the few days I spent your parents'hospitality. Undoubtedly, nature is God. Kind heartedness is Godliness. Kudos, friend.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 07:47:15 pm

Thanks dear friend

Reply
N.parameswaran
8/13/2019 08:13:00 pm

Wonderfully written article Raghu.with god being the architect he had created the wonderful world designated as nature.his resplendence is reflected in the creatures he created including us human beings.when the rest of his creation follow the rules of creation and disappear we spend our time on questioning how and who created us.let us live our life thanking the creator and enjoying the creations of Him.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/13/2019 08:14:59 pm

Thanks! If we deal nature with a sense of wonderment, the envrionment will be kind to us!

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N.parameswaran
8/13/2019 08:47:31 pm

Absolutely.treat them as fellow creations to enjoy their presence.

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Dr.Ghorpade
8/13/2019 11:17:50 pm

This is like the story of Garden lizard, about which different people see different Colors at different times giving impression that each one is seperate, though in reality it is one.
Nature is the best teacher and each learns what one does not know.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 08:35:58 am

Never thought of it as a garden lizard:-)

Reply
Abhay
8/14/2019 12:01:33 am

I do keep following your REFLECTIONS with great awe & regards for nature which you finely entwine with daily life.The recent natures fury in my region makes me bow in shame what little we have done for MOTHER NATURE.Hope better sense prevails & we respect the GOD in NATURE.Your writings continue to motivate me Sir.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 08:36:47 am

Nature is angry because we have not heard its cries

Reply
ravi
8/14/2019 12:07:20 am

Respected Sir

Amazingly erudite reflection. it has been a blessing to have known you and to have interacted with you.

However with utmost humbleness ( as i revere you) .... the pantheistic end to the reflection that suggests "god is nature" and "nature is god" .... does not resonate with my personal beliefs.

I subscribe to the stephen hawking school of belief that there cannot be a god......

Still for arguments sake IF there is a god than based on what i have read about god...that god has to signify a single being that is self-aware, purposeful, omniscient, omnipotent and can overwrite the laws of the universe - in essence, a supernatural being. Nature, on the other hand, has no consciousness, no purpose, is most likely strictly material and even if it provides us with phenomena that at first look like breaking the laws of science, it's probably the case that we simply don't understand it (yet). Nature by definition contains no mystical elements and functions by laws and probabilities that can be potentially analyzed and understood. Thus, God cannot be nature and vice versa....

with tons and tons of respects and reverence ...

ravi

PS - 'god' is not a proper noun; it is a title given to any of the many mythical entities created by primitive superstitious minds....In the history of mankind, no god, of the many claimed out there, has ever been proven real, not one, ever. The claim that then universe is so vast and wonderful so it must've been created by god, could be credited to the Flying Spaghetti Monster just as easily as can be attributed to any god.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 08:35:16 am

thanks for that detailed response Ravi. For me God is an intimate awareness and a presence that I seek and feel it amidst nature. For me it is not a tangible idolatry sanctified by religious rituals. Irrespective of religious orientations, all of sometime feel that presence in our own ways...

Reply
deepa
8/14/2019 12:10:41 am

a question that occupies even the most rational of beings at some point or the other..a calming yet rejuvenating piece that leaves one pondering over the beauty of nature and human alike..or why the diff? human is nature too?? really liked this one..

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 08:37:23 am

So true...

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Muthatha
8/14/2019 02:58:09 am

Thank you Doctor for sharing a slice of your journey in such simplicity. I like how you very gently speak of your journey between words and nature. Growing up in an urban environment I too was drawn to my lending library and books. Somewhere along the way I began to give a lot of primacy to words, and finely chiseled my mind. Now in mid life I am discovering the gentleness of nature and allowing my senses to sense more than allowing my mind to articulate. And I hope to create more of a balance in my daughter's world, more of a balance between the mind and senses so that she, and I in my second childhood, can keep those doors open, and love the nature in ourselves and in the world outside. :-)

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 08:38:01 am

The journey continues and our circle of wonderment keeps widening,,

Reply
Vidya
8/14/2019 04:36:36 am

Beautiful.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 08:38:12 am

Thanks

Reply
Dr. Joshy
8/14/2019 07:39:05 am

Full Self-expression, touched moved inspired!
Do not stop until you arrive - I Am God Also.

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 08:38:48 am

Thanks Joshy...the quest continues...

Reply
Prasad Rao Gundugurti
8/14/2019 06:41:55 pm

The Tranquility in understand HIM is continuous but tumuloutous path i gueas

Nature reminds in His many many methods of visualization


I always thought for me in this one life we might understand only that much about God

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 07:24:13 pm

Its an enduring search..

Reply
Shiny
8/14/2019 07:57:44 pm

I am so touched by the bird outside your window which started singing after the wind gets over ...yes that's life and god that power of course exists ,in his own creations we can see God's mercy

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/14/2019 11:04:23 pm

We survive and sing Shiny...

Reply
mohan
8/16/2019 08:41:14 am

Well written.It took me a couple of revisions before I could get the gist of it(I think).God manifests Himself to people based on their choices, conveniences etc.You see Him in nature.I see Him in people.As long as we feel Him does it matter how?
Keep it going.What little I understand I enjoy.
Mohan

Reply
Prof Raguram
8/16/2019 09:13:26 am

True Mohan,,,the seeker finds what he is in search of ...

Reply
Ajay Vijayakrishnan
8/19/2019 02:43:23 am

It is a pleasure as always to hear from you Sir, one who has been through Huxley's 'Doors' many many times in search of nature and beyond!

Reply
Craig Gonsalvez
8/21/2019 07:51:49 am

thx all - interesting and insightful reflections. there appears to be better consensus about what God/god is not than if/what he is. I was brought up in the Christian faith and joiined a seminary to become a priest. Teh experiences I had there turned me to psychology. The description about God that resonates with me was a quote from John Powell a Jesuit who suggested: The Bible teaches us that God created man in His image and likeness. Man has reversed this and created God in man's own image and likeness. Today there are a zillion gods within and across religions -- all man-made and imperfect idols that we revere. And, in God's name we set about doing all sorts of ungodly things to one another because each of us is sure that our idol is God!
The fascinating thing for me is that despite the different faces of God that the theologians swear by, the mystics across all religions seem to agree about how best we should seek Him....not by the senses (he is not palpable) nor by reason (he is beyond reason), but through stillness, meditation and contemplation. If teh mystics are right, I should shed my ego, stay still and remain open to his presence and he will reveal himself in flashes of indescribable experiences often accompanied by insightful knowing (envy Raghu's experience). Problem is I don't have/am too self absorbed to afford the kind of time the mystics are talking about ...anyone know a short-cut?

Reply
Dr Raguram
8/28/2019 07:41:37 am

“One day somebody asked Herr K. if there was a God. Herr K. replied: "I suggest that you ask yourself whether the answer would effect your behavior. If your behavior would remain unchanged, then we can drop the question. If it would change, then I can at least be of assistance to you by telling you that you have already decided: you need a God.”
― Bertolt Brecht, Stories of Mr. Keuner

Reply
Nalini.N.R.
10/7/2019 11:34:11 pm

Sir it reminds me of the sad fact that man is going against'nature'. As man has evolved over time, mind has been clouded by expectations, strong desire to control, resist nature. From the simile you have drawn of the bird, we should learn to accept, bend, survive and be 'alive' for the short period of time that we have to.

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    Someone who keeps exploring beyond the boundaries of everyday life to savor and share those unforgettable moments....

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